We dream of the perfect homeschool, but often the reality looks different. Find out the 3 things you can do when our dreams and reality don’t quite match up.
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‘Twas the night before homeschool. . .
‘Twas the night before homeschool, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
New books and curriculum had been chosen with care,
In hopes Harvard scholarships were sure to be theirs;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of perfection danced in mom’s head.
Visions of The Perfect Homeschool
Ah yes, the night before the first day of homeschool each year. We go to sleep with visions of The Perfect School Year. We will be organized and intentional, the kids excited to learn. They will wake up, quickly get ready, and and eat a healthy, home-cooked breakfast. We will start our day with prayer and snuggle on the couch reading aloud together. No one whines about doing schoolwork. Instead they will ask for more.
But then we wake up.
Reality doesn’t quite measure up to our dreams. The kids don’t actually want to get out of bed. The baby was up in the middle of the night, so after sleeping a bit later, we reach for the box of cereal. And no one can find the read aloud. The book or resource or curriculum that was supposed to be perfect turns out to be less than perfect.
I want to encourage you, though. It will be OK. Perfection is an illusion. It is in imperfection and difficulties that we often learn the most, when character is formed, and flexibility is forged. Our children grow and so do we.
So what can we do when when the reality of homeschool strikes?
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Related: Dear Mom, You Don’t Have to Live a Social Media Worthy Life
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3 Things We Can Do When Homeschool Reality Strikes
1. Pray for wisdom.
In that night God appeared to Solomon, and said to him, “Ask what I shall give you.” And Solomon said to God, “You have shown great and steadfast love to David my father, and have made me king in his place. O LORD God, let your word to David my father be now fulfilled, for you have made me king over a people as numerous as the dust of the earth. Give me now wisdom and knowledge to go out and come in before this people, for who can govern this people of yours, which is so great?” (2 Chronicles 1:7-10)
As the new king, Solomon could have asked God for anything. But he chose to ask Him for wisdom. Wisdom and knowledge to lead the ones God had entrusted to his care. God has entrusted us with the care and education of our children. Have we asked Him for wisdom to do just that?
There will be times when you just don’t know what to do— how to deal with obstacles, bad attitudes, disobedience, distractedness, frustration, and trouble “getting it” (and this list applies to both us and our children!). You will need guidance and wisdom from the One who knows your children better than you do. How often do you go to God first? But when there are difficulties in your homeschool, know at least one thing you can do.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. James 1:5
Notice this verse follows the command to “Count it all joy when you meet trials of various kinds.” Trials have purpose in our lives. They mature us. But we aren’t left on our own. He tells us to ask him for wisdom in the midst of them. So let’s start with prayer—on the days that aren’t going well and the days that are.
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Related: How to Stay Connected to God Through Prayer
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2. Teach the Child.
One of my favorite quotes is from Dr. Ruth Beechick:
For some children and for some of the time, certain books will happen to be just right. But if you find yourself struggling to mold your child to a book, try reversing priorities. It’s the child you are teaching, not the book. Bend the book, or find another; make the studies fit the child. (vii, You Can Teach Your Child Successfully)
After you have prayed for wisdom, know that God will give it to you! Instead of trusting a curriculum, book, or other resource—trust the one who created your children. If something isn’t working, then prayerfully evaluate it.
- Is there a way this resource can be adapted for my child?
- How can I approach teaching this subject or concept in a different way so my children will understand it?
- Can I make learning more enjoyable for us all?
- Do I need to address a detrimental character trait in my children or myself?
God makes each of our children wonderfully unique. We have so many choices when it comes to what we will use to teach them. Before throwing out a book or curriculum because it doesn’t seem to be working, first think about how to adapt it to your children. And then if you have to, find a different resource. Teach your children.
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Related: How to Adapt So You Can Avoid “Shiny-New-Curriculum Syndrome”
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3. Recognize the difference between goals and desires.
Goals and desires are two different things. We can set goals for ourselves. We can even set goals that support our desires for another. And we can guide our children in setting their own goals. But we cannot confuse our desires for our children as a specific plan we can accomplish.
For example, my husband and I have the desire for our children to grow up, strong in their faith, loving God with their heart, mind, and soul. But if I make the outcome my goal, I run the risk of becoming bitter and angry if my children don’t turn out the way I envisioned. They have sin natures and free-will, so I can’t make them love God.
However, our goal can be to provide an environment and home conducive to this desire. We can take our children to church, treat them with love and respect, create family memories, be available to talk and listen, and model our own faith in day-to-day life.
When I don’t confuse desires and goals, I can let go of the results. I can trust God and always hope, no matter what the results are.
The same is true for our homeschool. I may have a desire for it to look a certain way, and I can choose to work toward goals that will help. But when it isn’t perfect, I can trust the perfect one.
What should we desire? Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart.” I really do not believe this means we will get whatever we want. But as we delight in Him, our desires become aligned with His desires. John 15:7 says, “ If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.” We want to skip to the “I ask, then You do for me what I ask.” But you’ll notice the first part. We must abide. His words must abide in us. Abiding involves love, obedience, trust, relationship.
So abide in Him. Allow God to shape your desires. Pray. Be intentional. Then let go.
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Related: The Best Questions to Ask to Make You an Amazing Teacher
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Reality Really is OK.
Yes, some days our homeschool will look exactly like we imagined when we began homeschooling. Days where things go smoothly, our kids love learning, and our hearts join together in a common goal. We will learn and laugh together.
But there are days when that won’t happen, too—even weeks or months when nothing seems to go as planned. And that is OK, too. Because we all learn and mature and grow in the process.
We travel a road when we homeschool. And roads are often a bit bumpy along the way. Bends and curves, bumps and grooves, only make the journey better.
Our homeschools don’t have to be perfect.
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Scripture quotations are from the ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved. May not copy or download more than 500 consecutive verses of the ESV Bible or more than one half of any book of the ESV Bible.
I’m on the final lap with one freshman and one senior. This could be and is my story. Praise God it’s not too late to refresh the page, refresh my eyes, refresh my heart. Look forward, not behind. Helps the bike stay on two wheels, if that makes sense.
Yes! We serve a God of redemption. Never too late to refresh ð Praying for you now!
I have those days where nothing goes right so drawling on the couch or back into bed and cuddling and just reading or watching a movie becomes our school that day. Or we do a Free day and do, nothing at all because sometimes we just need to rest and regroup.
It’s like a reset button for school ð Don’t you love a lifestyle of learning? Adapting as is needed.
sometimes it’s the push-pull between the child and the curriculum that causes the problems that crop up. learning how and when to adjust expectations or the curriculum is important. ð
Yes ð It is so important to be a student of our students so we will know!
Aww I love this. “While visions of perfection danced in mom’s head” Ha! Couldn’t be more accurate.
I also love what you wrote about teaching the child. I tend to get overly excited about our book choices and find myself getting annoyed when the kids don’t automatically love it. I often have one child who loves the book and one who is counting down the time until we’re done haha. They’re growing and learning quickly though and I need to remember to relax and savor it. <3 thank you
Yes! And it really goes by so much faster than you can imagine ð I have to admit I LOVED CURRICULUM! All the pretty things. For some reasons my boys didn’t always agree. Ha!
This is awesome. I am scheduling it on my page for all my home school mamas out there. Pinned too!
Thanks so much Christine! (And I just love the name of your blog!)
Thank you so much for sharing this we have a 6yr old and we are homeschooling and we have moved and are really just starting and he is a gregarious child and less than thrilled. Things are getting better but this helps me know that mine is not the only one.
No you aren’t the only one! But you can do this, and you will find your stride.
Really good post and advice! I love #2. Occasionally, we would encounter a book that did absolutely nothing for us. It was like trudging through quicksand to read it, and it made us dread the subject or maybe even the school day. It was so freeing to just let that one go, as a homeschool mom to have the freedom to make that decision. I loved the look on my kids’ faces when occasionally a reader did the same thing for them and I gave them permission to skip it. You’d think they’d start trying that with all of their assignments, but they didn’t. They enjoyed most of them. It really isn’t worth it to force yourselves to stick with a particular book, in fact it can make homeschooling even harder.
Yes! Why do we think we have to finish every book? Some just aren’t worth it when there are so many other good ones out there ð
Thanks for acknowledging that homeschooling can be bumpy sometimes! There are wonderful highs, but some really rough lows as well. So good to know that this is “normal”!
So very normal ðĪŠ